I can read... which rhymes with succeed. I said Sucseed (like cress might grow from)!

cress grows from a tissue, fool.

No actually it grows from seeds scattered on cotton wool fool, I remember from the nursery 33 years old I was...

How much fat do you think is in a punnet of Cress? Only 5%. Same great taste but now with less fat. Just thought you might like to know.

Just like walkers crisps! Well I know which I would rather have, give me the Cress anytime!

I'm off the cress at the moment i've been mesmerised by Walkers' revolting redesign and cress doesn't have sunseed! which according to the packet is scientifically proven to be the coolest oil!

Coolest and yet least effective for anything other than cooking frying and generally raising blood pressure...

And smearing on the backs of naked men. And teachers.

Well I wouldn't know anything about that! AND ANYONE WHO SAYS I WOULD IS A BLATANT LIAR!

Are they Pliny? Are they?

Perhaps... well not the naked men

It's embryobvious that you have a problem.

Well I think your egg(ob)session with eggs is the only pobl(em)ian around (round like an egg) here (Here was the Greek Goddess of motherhood and so of eggs eggs eggs(EGGS!)).

You will eat those turds. I was in Tesco's today and I was studying a punnet of delicious cress for the ingredients. They are thus: Watercress, rape oil. Also, a punnet is currently on the market for 18p in Tesco so RH is being outdone by 2 whole pence if you can't do maths. I wish we could tell him. Maybe you Pliny can write "Richard, you are being conned" in the air with your Magic Pen and he will know, somehow..........somehow.

Well that is a good idea, I shall now take the holy pen from around my neck by undoing the piece of sony wire that secures it there and write those words in the air.